B.J. Murrey - World Orphans, Central America

Back in the US, I would sometimes let people work for me that wanted to do computer or construction work, but were unqualified. They told me they would work hard, learn from me and work cheap. I love to teach people what I have been taught and learned. I love to give people opportunities that I didn't have, or had to create for myself. I love to help people succeed, even if it costs me a little in the process.

The last few months of my life have been bad. I have had nothing but problems in every aspect of my life. Missionary ventures thwarted, relationships imploding, stuff in general failing or breaking, etc. The last 2 months have been so draining on me as I have kept pouring out, and had so many people taking and no one replenishing me. I'm exhausted right now - mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I have been asking God "Why are you allowing all of this crap happen to me when all I have done is serve other people and give of my self and give up everything for you?"

I have been having a hard time - really hard time - with this question. It's caused me to second guess everything I have done and been doing. In some instances I can see where I should have abandoned ship a long time ago but for one reason or another I didn't see the signs because my idealism was blocking the view. Other times I have no reason to doubt that I made the right decisions, but things still aren't going right. Surely if God tells us to do something, everything is going to go smoothly right? 

 RIGHT?!

One guy that used to work for me was just plain unintelligent. I'd task him with something for the day, give him instructions and demonstration, then set him to work while I attacked another project. Later, I'd check back in on him, only to find out that he's doing everything wrong, stopped working or just doing something completely different from what I had originally given him. Our conversations would go something like this:

"Why aren't you doing what I told you to do? "
"Because I figured you would want this done too."
"Did I ever indicate that's something I wanted you to do for me? "
"No."
"What about what I did ask you to do?"
"I'm still working on it."
"Why did you stop?"
"Because you didnt come back and tell me to keep going."
"Do you need me to tell you to keep going when it's nowhere near finished yet?"
"I guess not."
"What made you stop?"
"I was tired. Then I started working on something else."
"Why didn't you do it the way I showed you? It's not so tiring that way!"
"I thought I would try something different."
"Why don't you just do what you are told? Remember you told me you wanted this job? You told me you were willing to learn from me. You told me you would work hard at the work I gave you. It's only been a few hours and you are already doing things your own way and you don't know what you are doing."

Then I applied that conversation to God & myself and I'm learning that I can be equally as unintelligent in my spiritual discipline & practice.

I am learning if you want to be God's man, you have to shut up and do what He told you to do already. If he doesn't tell you to stop, don't. If He doesn't tell you do something different, don't. Shut up and do your job. 

Man, this is a hard lesson for me right now.