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Many people who don't know me well say that I am arrogant. They believe that I genuinely think I never do anything wrong. Usually this conclusion is based on the fact that, like Tom Petty, I "won't back down" from a position that I have not arrived at lightly. My close friends (read: Mentors, Board of Trustees) know I do my research before I stand that ground. My close friends also know that when presented with proof to the contrary, I will readily admit that I am wrong. I'm not afraid of being wrong - I am afraid of being ignorant... but that's another blog.
Tonight I had a semi-profound realization that I am rarely really sorry. My enemies, ex-girlfriends and probably my parents (some of those categories may overlap...) will be quick to point this out, but I would call into question their objectivity on the examples they give. It is true - but most likely NOT in their examples. I realized tonight that I say "I'm sorry" sometimes, but what I really mean is "I don't really intend to make the changes required in my life to prevent the future recurrence of this instance, but it bugs me that it caused us an inconvenience right now." I'm annoyed, not repentant. The modern understanding of repentance, in the Christian sense of the term, is rarely accurate. We tend to think of it as a "feeling" of sorrow for something we have been caught doing or confronted on. Hardly the Biblical definition. Repentance is not a feeling or an attitude, but both contrition and action. Catholic confessionals have further complicated this, I think, systematizing our guilt away, tending to lead us to believe the following: 1. Enter Confessional. 2. Tell Priest how bad you are. 3. Tell priest how sorry you are for how bad you are. 4. Priest gives you spiritual "homework" (Hail Mary's and Our Father's). 5. You have a false sense of relief of sin, guilt and conscience with no sign of true repentance. How dangerous! The Biblical definition of repentance is: "Make no provision for the flesh!" (Romans 13:4) Much like Dr. Gregory House on the popular television show "House", who knows that being addicted to Vicodin is bad and wants to quit, yet he always keeps some in his pocket just in case things get rough. Or worse, he'll have his friends help him "kick the habit" only to pull out the secret stash they don't know about after they have invested so much into him for his benefit. I much more respond to sin in my life like Dr. House than like a true Christian. I not only make provision for the flesh, I have at times invited "the flesh" to be my room mate. Now I relate to the Apostle Paul in Romans 7 when he exclaims "Oh! What a wretched man that I am! Who will relieve me from this body of death!?" Make no provision for the flesh... my new resolution is to never say I am sorry again. Not because I am arrogant, but because when I make no provision for the flesh, people will SEE that I am TRULY REPENTANT without ever saying a word... DISCLAIMER: THIS BLOG WAS WRITTEN WITH NO PARTICULAR INDIVIDUALS IN MIND SAVE this blogger AND Jesus Christ. This blog will always be self-conscious and from my perspective, in case you weren't previously aware or were otherwise misguided. |